Realization!!

I’ve being reminded today that you have to take decisions for yourself otherwise people will take decision for you, and you might…. or let me say that – you’ll definitely not like it.

As far as I’m concerned I’ve been manuplated so much from my childhood, that I think, I don’t feel comfortable in taking my decisions by myself. I had to stop my inner calling so much so that I had developed a habit of looking up to someone to take decisions for me.

Now at the age of 40, approximately, when my family has got matured, learned that some decisions should be of the child to make him/her learn the art of ‘cognitive thinking’ and ‘decision making’, I am now tamed to be a dog that only follows without giving it a thought, and stopping my inner voice, suppresing my love for things to survive. It had been a long time living like that and now this probably has become my comfort zone or I don’t know what to call it, but one thing is for sure, I can’t take it anymore. I need space, I need to get out of this cage that I’ve been in for several years. I need to live the life I always wanted to live, go to gardens, play games (My favourite ‘Basket Ball’), Getting Ready in the morning, having my own social circle- that respects me for who I am! not who’s sibling I am. Go to Cinema to watch latest movies – then blogging my reviews on that film.

However, I can’t do it, because appearently I am the ‘Grasshopper’ in this story, I didn’t or somehow couldn’t built a life for me, having financial independence. Hence now, I’m stuck begging yes, It sounds disturbing but it’s true, I have to literally beg for my basic needs – things I worked out for them no matter how, even when I was not earning, yet managing the house finances, but always manages to bring some sunshine in their life – and still does, but they (My siblings) don’t consider this as my need, to have some financial or any other kind of support to get me back up on my feet.

People have fun in making you cry for your small, tiny needs, at least it’s true for me.

I’m really troubled, God Almighty Help me. Ameen